IVF here we come!!

So, here's the plan. 
1.  December:  No meds this month and pre-IVF testing including saline hysterosalpingogram (or something like that), mock transfer, and special IVF seman analysis for CJ

2.  January (hopefully):  Start my next cycle.  Go in CD 3 for Day 3 labs including FSH, LH, ect.  Start birth control pills.

3.  January/February:  Stims, Retrieval, Transfer, Baby!!

I'm so excited.  I feel like it's a really long road to get there, but I am very confident that this is the best option for us at this point.  For those of you who have done IVF, does this timeline sound normal to you?  I go in next week to meet with the doctor and come up with a plan, but this is what we talked about briefly at my appointment today.  It's funny because I have to put my whole "I want to be pregnant by Christmas thing" on hold while we prepare for IVF, but I feel strangely calm and just excited about it!!  I don't know how I'm gonna get through the next month before we get things started, but I can't wait!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Greetings from the ICU!  I hope you all are having a very happy Thanksgiving!!

Tomorrow is my CD3 scan and after much talk and delibration, CJ and I are ready to move onto IVF.  So, my plan is to go in there and ask them how we can move on to this next step.  Now, that we've made the decision, I just want to get started, but I know that it will take some time.  I know that we could do more IUI's or try injectibles with IUI, but the success rate is still not that good and I'd rather spend money on IVF with it's much high success rate.  I'm just at my wits end and I'm so ready to be pregnant.  It's worth the money and the time and everything else.

So, this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for my wonderful husband and for our health and jobs and that we are able to be able to afford IVF (barely!).  I'm so excited about this new step.  My excitement and hope for our future IVF cycle is keeping out of depression right now and I feel pretty good.  I feel that this is the right next step for us! 

Not my happy thanksgiving ending...

Well, i won't get to be like Addison and test on Thanksgiving Day.  Nope, thanks to AF's arrival today, I don't get my happy Thanksgiving ending.  This sucks and it hurts so much.  I felt so much more confident this time around and our timing was perfect.  But it wasn't meant to be.  What it does mean for me is that I'm so thankful that I started seeing a therapist who specializes in infertility.  she's great.  I've only had one appointment, but I definitely think that this is going to help and I'm kinda kicking myself for not going earlier.  It also means that I am so sad today.  It sucks cause I'm at work now fighting back tears and just wishing that this had been our month. 

 

The good news is that CJ is onboard for more treatments. He is so awesome, really!!  I thought he would come home and say well we said that this was the last one, so now we're done and it was pretty much the opposite of that.  I'm actually going to talk to my doctor about either another IUI or moving onto IVF.  so, at least we are going to keep going with treatments which I'm excited about. 

 

This is kinda a rambling, disjointed post, but that's how I'm feeling right now.  I'm sad, lonely, frustrated, and still a little hopeful for the future.  I really do believe that this is a question of when not if and I just need to be patient.  See, I'm already learning something from my therapist.

 

I hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving. 

Private Practice

So, I just watched Private Practice.  You know how Addison was testing on Thanksgiving Day, well, that will be me this year...testing on Thanksgiving Day.  I think Addison is pregnant.  I think I'm pregnant.  I really hope we both get to have our happy endings, I mean beginnings on Thanksgiving this year!!  (Yes, I know Addison is a fictional character on tv, but when I saw that episode it just made me think about how I will be testing on Thanksgiving too...maybe its a sign and I will be pregnant!!

The 2WW has been so much better this time around.  I have been about at positive as I can be.  I just keep telling myself that I'm pregnant, that it actually worked this time, that this time around the word 'Pregnant' will flash on the fancy tests that I bought just so that I could test if I ever made it to a cycle where AF was late.  I even made a vision board.  haha.  I am so not a vision board person, but it has felt really good to inject so much positive energy into my life and into these 2 weeks.

So, what do you think?  Is Addison pregnant?  Am I pregnant?  Only time will tell, but I'm betting on both of us!!

2nd IUI Success!!

Yesterday was my 2nd IUI.  I started cramping Monday night and all day yesterday, so I think that our timing was perfect this time around.  CJ stepped up to the plate and hit a home run with a count of 72 million and 6% morphology.  I'm so proud of him.  I've decided that this time around I am going to think and act like I'm already pregnant in the hopes of actually making it happen. 

So, I'm now 1dpIUI and I'm considering myself pregnant.  Yea!!  Now, I just need to wait 2 more weeks to confirm what I already know with a HPT.  CJ's on board too with this super-hopeful mentality this month.  For the next 2 weeks, I will abstain from alcohol, sushi, lunch meat, heavy exercise in the hopes of turning my thought into reality.  Yes, I know I'm trying to believe myself pregnant.  I've tried being realistic and pessimistic and angry at god and it hasn't worked and I've just felt lonely and bitter.  Now, I'm going with happy and hopeful and pregnant (until proven otherwise!)  Plus, I'm talking to God again and going to church and it feels great!! 

Please send some positive thoughts and baby dust this way to help me through the next 2 weeks! 

In other news, I'm working in the ICU again this month, so hopefully I can stay sane at work.  At least it will give me time to blog and read blogs when I'm not busy.

Thanks to all my wonderful followers for sticking around through my long absence.  I'm glad you're here!

Trigger Shot tonight!!

I can't wait!!!!!!

Midcycle Monitoring...

I had my ultrasound today, CD11.  I knew it was early, but I had such a large follicle on CD 13 last time around that I didn't want to miss it this month.  At first the scan looked terrible.  Nothing going on in the left ovary and just my persistent cyst on the right (that's getting smaller), but after a little shuffling it looks like I have one follicle at 18 and another one around 11 -13.  I didn't really hear him when he called out the numbers.  Then, I got dressed and we talked in his office and the plan is to do trigger shot tomorrow night (CD 12) and then IUI on Tuesday morning at 10am.  I'm so excited to be doing another IUI and I'm glad that we're starting earlier this month since I think I ovulated before the trigger shot in September.  But of course, now I'm filled with more worries...will the follicle be mature enough by tomorrow night, will I ovulate 36 hours later just in time for my IUI, and of course will we get pregnant?????

In the meantime, I'm going to treasure my weekend off of work and time spent with CJ.  It's a beautiful fall day!! I'll keep you posted!!