A quick hello to everyone stopping in from ICLW. I'm gonna try to keep up with blogging and posting this week, but I've come down with a cold that has pretty much kept me on the couch or in bed whenever I'm not at work. I haven't been sick in a long time and I forgot how tough it is to get things done besides make it to work. I'm off to bed soon and hopefully, I'll be feeling better in the morning.
Just a quick cycle update, I'm 8dpo today. Wow, I can't believe that I'm already into the second week of my 2WW. Shh, don't tell CJ, but I decided to start testing early again at 6dpo and 8dpo and there was nothing there...just start white and one lonely line. I still feel like I could be pregnant this month, but I'm kinda losing hope at the same time. I think being sick has made it harder to stay positive.
Also, I had a conversation with my little 19 year old sister today in which she basically said that I was being selfish by not talking to my twin sister a lot since I found out that she's pregnant (oh yeah and she's 13 weeks pregnant already...I'm so jealous...and of course I can't talk to her a lot right now.) and that it's been almost a year since my miscarriage and I should be over it by now and everyone just wants to see me happy and maybe I'm not trying hard enough to be happy again and that even if I do get pregnant that won't fix everything that's wrong. That's basically the gist of our discussion today. As for me, I cried, told her I didn't agree and that she didn't understand at all, and waited for her to leave. It was painful. I know I'm rambling a little bit, but it was just so painful. I'm feeling better after spending some time with CJ and my puppy, but I can still hear her words echoing in my head. And I just want to clarify one thing...getting pregnant again and having my rainbow baby will without a doubt fix what's wrong with me. I don't doubt that for a second. I have put the rest of my life back together since my miscarriage and I'm doing pretty well with everything else right now, but I was broken last August 27th and I will be fixed when I finally succeed in making my rainbow and making my dreams come true.
Okay, now I'm off to sleep. If anyone has any extra baby dust, could you send it my way?!?
I bet it is hard for your little sister to understand. I can understand you avoiding your twin, it must be hard! Hoping you feel better soon. Sometimes getting sick is an early sign of pregnancy, so you never know. Wising you the best.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine the emotions you are going through having a twin sister who is pregnant! I have a hard enough time with friends who are pregnant right now. Many prayers that you get your BFP this cycle!!!
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteAs for your sister, she just doesn't understand. She's likely both too young, and too naive, to understand the despair of infertility. I can't imagine the pain of watching your other sister's pregnancy. I'm so sorry.
ICLW
Hello from ICLW. Sorry you had such a hard conversation with your sister. Sending hugs your way and hope you get your rainbow baby soon.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of hugs and baby dust. I understand how hard it is for you because so many people just don't understand and, unfortunately for us, never will.
ReplyDeleteFor the record - I never showed up pregnant that early - sometimes it was even well into the week that AF was to show up that I got a positive test. Hang in there and keep hoping!
ICLW
here from ICLW
ReplyDeleteSorry you had such a shitty convo with your sister, it sucks donkeybums when people just don't get it. I do that avoiding thing too, its probably bad, but it lessens all the tears, so to me, its ok!
Good luck in the 2WW
Ugh, it pains me to read this post. I've always said that I don't expect the world to understand what it's like to be infertile, but I do expect them to be understanding and try, and it seems like there are few people who can do that. In my experience, most of them were family too which makes it that much harder to swallow. I think it's incredibly selfish for your sister to expect you to be happy to make the rest of your family feel good. I'm still not sure I'm totally recovered from my miscarriage, its stayed with me and changed me, and that's okay really. I hope your baby isn't far away and that you find understanding people to take the journey with you.
ReplyDeleteICLW #9