Saturday, February 19, 2011



This is a first for me.  An annoymous blog.  I tried doing the whole public blogging thing, but it backfired when my family who had been following along started judging my posts about my frustrations trying to conceive.  This time around, none of them will know that I'm blogging again and I plan on using this blog to share my trying to conceive after miscarriage story.  This has been an incredibly sad and painful year for me and I need an outlet for all of these emotions.  So, with that, welcome to my new blog.

Rainbow making it is!  In many ways, I cannot believe that I am not pregnant now, that I have somehow survived for 8 months after my miscarriage without getting pregnant again.  In the immediate aftermath of my miscarriage, I comforted myself with the thoughts that it had been so easy for us to get pregnant the first time (2 months of trying), that we would have no trouble getting pregnant again.  I was confident that I would be pregnant again in no time or at least within 3 cycles.  I think it's harder to be hopeful now because those 3 cycles have come and gone and I'm still not pregnant.  As each cycle passes, I lose hope and it gets harder.  At first, I was hopeful that I would find out that I was pregnant at Christmas, but no such luck as AF arrived 3 days later.  Then, I was hopeful that I would get pregnant in February and have my baby in time for Halloween.  When that didn't happen, I comforted myself that I could still have the baby in time for Thanksgiving 2010, but no luck.  Finally, last month I was sure that it would work when my progesterone was 52.5 at 4dpo on cd 22 and that I would be due right around Christmas.  Needless to say when AF arrived last month, I was devastated.  Then, just last week, my twin sister called me to say that she just found out that she's pregnant again with her third baby, a mere 10 months after giving birth to her youngest.  That was a very bad day. 

I like to think that I have rallied since then and this blog will be a testament to that.  I plan on being happy again.  Life has definitley not worked out the way I would have liked and it is definitely not fair at times, but I will not give up and succumb to the sadness and grief that threatens to overpower me everyday.  No, I will be happy!!  So, I will blog about what makes me happy as well as the in's and out's of my cycles as I continue to work on making a rainbow baby.  I'm going to switch to using the TTC abbreviations that are common online and I'll include a list of these abbreviations shortly. 

With that, I must get on with my day.  Thanks for reading and I hope you will enjoy taking this journey with me.  I cannot wait until I am pregnant again and can look back on this blog and see how I ended up in that place!