Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I'm PUPO with twins!!

I know, I know...I'm already 3dp3dt and I just posted this kinda sad, rambling post, but I realized that I hadn't posted that I'm PUPO and I really am super-grateful for this awesome chance to get pregnant.

Please stick around little Eagles!!


The embryologist called my husband at work today and updated him on our remaining embryos.  (They had my phone number wrong somehow.)  The result...nothing to freeze.  I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty sad about it.  I just had this idea that I would go through this cycle, have a lot of healthy eggs retrieved, have a lot of fertilized embryos to work with, make it to a 5dt, and have some frozen blasts for our 2nd try if needed.  That's not really how the cycle went at all though.  I'm sad that we lost our 6 embryos and I'm nervous about what that means about the 2 embryos that we transferred.

On the other hand, I made it to retrieval, had 12 eggs retrieved, 7 fertilized with dish insemination only, 8 made it to day 3, and we transferred 3 beautiful 8-cell embryos with minimal fragmentation and here I am already 3dp3dt.  I am so thankful for that.

I will say that this 2WW has the making of being incredibly hard on me.  I'm just not sure how I'm going to make it to February 10th (which will be 13dp3dt) which seems very late.  I'm going to try to hold off on testing, but I do have a bunch of ovulation tests at home just sitting around and 2 digital pregnancy tests.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to need CJ to hide them from me, especially since I took one of the ovulation tests today just to make sure that the trigger was no longer in my system and sure enough, I got a negative.  Now, I just have to make sure that I don't test again, but I have well over a week to wait and it's going to be hard.

I'm also having a hard time deciding to how I feel about this cycle.  On one hand, this is the best shot that we have had a pregnancy since we first got pregnant in July 2010...a very long time ago.  I have every reason to believe that this will work.  I can imagine it.  February 10th dawns and I head over to the clinic for my first time in 2 weeks when they open at 8am.  They draw blood from the big vein in my left arm, say good luck, and I head back home.  Then, I get ready to go to work at 11am.  I'm on-call that day so I'm not sure when I'm going go get out, but at some point in the evening, I get relieved and head home.  I get home and with CJ there at my side, I call the results message service.  I type in the numbers that will bring me to my messages, and the nurse says, "Congratulations!  You're pregnant!"  And I have a nice high beta!!  I feel like I'm so close to that fairy tale ending and yet so far away because the very opposite could be the reality.  The crazy and hard thing is that there is nothing that I can do about it except try to relax.

I'm going to try to face the rest of this 2WW with a restrained optimism.  At least, if I believe that it worked then I will feel better for the next 10 days while I'm waiting and I won't have wasted this time being sad before I even heard the news.  The other reassuring thing is that we have another 3 cycles as part of our success-guarantee program so if it doesn't work, we can just try again.

So, there is hope and there is so much longing...hope for a pregnancy in the works, hope to finally get another BFP, and a desperate longing to finally bring my rainbow baby(ies) into the world.

Monday, January 30, 2012


It's so exciting to be writing that phrase.  Of course, it also just means that I have a long way to go before my beta.  For now, I'm feeling good.  The 48 hours of bedrest is exactly what I needed to feel better emotionally, physcially, and spiritually after all the stress of stims, retrieval, and transfer.  I'm feeling good now and ready to return to work...that will at least help the time to pass a little faster!!

Anyway, this was just a  quick update since I have to start getting ready for work, but I had a question.  I have 375IU of Gonal-F that I had to reconstitute (from a 450IU vial that actually contains 600IU and I used 225IU) it will expire in 21days from today.  I would hate to just throw it away since it's worth around $200 and my clinic did not seem to keen on receiving it as a donation since it was already reconstituted.  Does anyone have need of 375IU of Gonal-F?  All I would ask in return is to pay for shipping costs...and maybe include a cool pair of socks for my next ultrasound or a good luck charm.  We used complete sterile technique to draw up the medication and it has been stored at room temperature and in the box for the past week.  There are also the extra little syringes in the box as well.  Just let me know if you are interested in the comments.  I can send it out tomorrow at the earliest.  Just let me know...I would hate for it to go to waste.  It will be good for the next 3 weeks too.

Happy Monday!!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Eagles have landed...

that's what we are calling our little 8-cell embabies that we transfered today...the little eagles.  they landed back in my uterus today for a three day transfer.  the embryologist told us that the little eagles had no fragmentation and were very symmetrical and the doc said that everything looked good.  we are hopeful.  we have another 6 embryos that are still growing in the lab. wait, 6+2=8 and i said that we had 7 fertilized...well, it looks like one more caught up, which is exciting.  i'm not gonna lie, i was so nervous that they would call this morning nd say that there were no embryos left.  i couldnt be happier that we had 2 perfect little eagles that landed today and another 6 still growing.  my clinic does a 3 day transfer whenver they are able to distinguish the very best embryos from the pack, so thats where we are now.  i guess if i'm totally honest, i was hoping for a 5 day transfer, but it feels reaally good to have my embabies back home.  plus, i can finally relax (who am i kidding, right?) but we made it through all of the steps of ivf...suppression, stims, retrieval, transfer...now only one more hurdle to cross...beta on february 10th.  for now i'm pregnant with twins, resting comfortably on bestrest, and happy and thankful to be right here where i am right now!!

Thursday, January 26, 2012


This was the term that we used at summer camp to describe when a male and female counselor spent a lot of time together and we had a strict no fraternization policy.  This is funny because I met my husband at this summer camp and we of course spent our fair share of time fraternizing.  Anyway, for the past 24 hours, my eggs and his sperm have been fraternizing as well.  Here's the update.

7 fertilized.  The other 5 did not fertilize.  She didn't say anything about how many eggs were mature or anything else. 

Now, I just have to wait another 48 hours to find out if we are doing a 3-day or 5-day transfer.  After so much action for the past 10 days, it's hard to wait...as some of my fellow bloggers have said, I just want my embabies safe and secure inside my uterus (with it's nice plump lining!!)

I'm a little disappointed that the number isn't higher, but it's our first try at this and it only takes 1. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A Dozen!!

That's how many eggs we got.  12!!  I'm really happy, but I know that this is far from over.  I just had these fears that I would go in there today and they wouldn't be able to get any eggs or only a couple, but 12 is a great number!!

The retrieval went really well.  We got to the clinic at 7:30 and the procedure nurse brought us over the the pre-op/recovery room.  Then, I changed into my gown and hospital socks and jumped back under the blankets and heating pad that they had because it was freezing in the room.  The nurse came back in and started an iv.  Then, I met the anesthesiologist who was really nice and friendly and my doc popped his head in to say hi before the started giving me the good drugs.  I kissed my husband goodbye and they wheeled me into the procedure room.  I remember the anesthesiologist saying that she gave me some versed and then I remember them helping me get my legs in position and putting the EKG and BP cuff and nasal cannula on...and I remember feeling a little dizzy, but I was trying to keep my eyes open...and then the next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room with my husband there.  It was a very pleasant experience and everyone was so nice.  My husband left to go do his thing.  Side note:  in the room for him to do his thing there is a tv with a dvd player, but the eject button is broken, so every time he goes there he has to watch "Juicy," which I think is hilarious.  He was back pretty quickly and I drank some ginger ale, ate a york peppermint patty, had my iv removed, and got dressed.  The nurse then gave us the instructions about the PIO shots which we will start tomorrow morning.  Then, they gave us the final count of 12 eggs and sent us in the way.

I'm feeling pretty good now.  Minimal pain, minimal spotting, just a little nausea/dizziness, but overall I feel pretty good.  I'm looking forward to the call from the lab tomorrow morning.  Let's make some babies!!

Good luck to Charlotte at The Reluctant Infertile who had her egg retrieval today too!!  And thank you to everyone for your supportive comments and helpful tips.  I really feel like we have an awesome sorority here online that I know has helped me especially going through IVF.  Thanks!!

On our way...

We are leaving for the clinic in about 5 minutes for the retrieval.  I'll update later with the results!!

Here we go...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Day Before Retrieval...

We pulled the trigger last night at 9:15.  CJ had to wake me up to give me the shot since I had fallen asleep on the couch.  It went well though since CJ is an expert at subq injections.  We'll see how he is at IM later this week.  I'm feeling pretty good today.  Just nervous about the usual stuff...how many eggs are they going to get, how am I going to feel tomorrow, how's will CJ's sperm look, will any of my eggs fertilize...will this work...mostly though I'm just stuck on the first question, how many eggs will we get?  Only time will tell and it's not too much longer to wait!!

In other news, I just made an appointment for a massage on Thursday evening.  I've been reading that's its good to do acupuncture or massage before a transfer to help with relaxation.  It's kinda expensive and it's definitely not something I need, but I think it will help and I have been super stressed out this past week or so.  I also have an appointment with my therapist.  My first one since we started stims and I hope she can help me with some relaxation/coping techniques for this week. 

Symptom-wise, I'm not feeling great.  I've very bloated and I've had occasional cramps and twinges and my ovaries seem to hurt every time I stand up or sit down or move around, which is a lot of fun since I'm working in a clinic seeing patients today and there has been a lot of sitting and standing and moving around.  I'm not complaining though.  I'm happy about the symptoms because it means that my ovaries are doing their job and growing some nice follicles/eggs.  The symptoms definitely make me happy, but it's tough because no one at work knows why I would be in pain or stressed this week or having to take tomorrow off, so I kinda feel like I've been living in a bubble.  It's nice inside the bubble though...just me, CJ, our puppy, lots of shots, and the docs and nurses at the clinic. 

Has anyone gotten a massage before transfer?  Did it help?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Trigger tonight...

Yea!  I did it!  After my scan this morning, the doctor annouced that I was ready.  So, the plan is Trigger tonight with Ovidrel at 9:15pm.  The nurse will call me this afternoon with instructions on whether or not I need to take anymore Gonal-F tonight as well.  Then tomorrow hang out.  On Wednesday, I have an appointment for 7:30am for the Retrieval.  CJ has his appointment at 9:30am and he's taking the rest of the day off to hang out with me.  I can't believe that I'm actually writing these words, trigger and retrieval.  I'm super excited.  I'm also super crampy and bloated.  I think the symptoms are definitely worse today but it may just be that I'm up and around at work and wearing real clothes as opposed to scrubs or sweat pants. 

Thank you to everyone for your support and comments while I was stimming.  I know I sounded a little neurotic about my levels, but I think it was the only thing tangible that I could really obsess over.  My goal for the next 2 days and 2 weeks is to stay as relaxed as possible.

Update: The nurse called and my E2 is now 2244 which she said was perfect.  So, tonight I will take Gonal-F 225IU (bummer because we have to open a new box) and then the trigger shot at 9:15pm.

Retrieval here we come!!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

My first post as a 29 year old...

Well, after the excitement and hope from yesterday's ultrasound and bloodwork, I fully expected a good rise today (despite the decreased dose last night.)  My ultrasound this morning after 8 days of stimms looked good and the doc measured 8 follicles (6 on right and 2 on left between 14-17 and I have a few smaller ones on each side.  He called and left a message a little while ago and my E2 level increased to 1471.  I'm a little disappointed again because I was hoping for another big increase, but I think this is just what my body dose because every other day there is a smaller increase and that is followed by a larger day.  If you look at my estrogen levels every 2 days then the level always more than doubles.  So, I need to keep being positive and try not to stress.

Plan for tonight is Gonal-F 450 (back up to the higher dose) and HCG 30U (again at the higher dose), followed by Cetrotide at 10:15pm and back for another ultrasound in the morning.  At the appointment today, he said it looks like one more day, so I'm hoping that we get the good news that we can trigger tomorrow night with retrieval on Wednesday.  I just really hope that my levels continue to go up, especially with the higher dose tonight.  We'll be opening our 7th box of Gonal F tonight.  Wow, I'm a just chewing up these meds.

Here's what it looks like for my E2 levels.  What do you guys think?
After 3 days stims = 163
After 4 days stims = 254
After 5 days stims = 497
After 6 days stims = 671
After 7 days stims = 1217
After 8 days stims = 1471

In other news, it has been a wonderful birthday weekend (kinda surprisingly.)  I got to catch up with my best friends from out of town, spend some quality time with CJ, and rest and relax (well, the relaxing is questionable.)  Now, I think it's time for a walk and then some football.  Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Another Day, another update...

Today, I had my appointment after stimming for 7 days.  Things are looking good.

On my right ovary I had 5 follicles ranging from 14-18 and 3 other ones between 10-12 and some other smaller ones.  On my left, I had 2 follicles between 14-17 and some smaller ones.  I'm definitely feeling lots of twinges/pain mostly on my right now.  We are stimming for another day and I go back in tomorrow for some more fun with the ultrasound and bloodwork.

My doctor called and updated me and my E2 level jumped up to 1217.  Wahoo!  Another great increase.  So, we are decreasing the meds a little bit tonight to Gonal-F 375 and HCG 10 and I'll take the Cetrotide at 10:15pm again tonight.  I'm thinking that I will either trigger tomorrow night or Monday night at the latest.

It's been a great birthday so far with the good news from my doctor's appointment and the phone calls from family and friends.  I'm still a little bummed that there's no big party, but let's face it, I'm not going to be much of a partier tonight anyways.  lol.  I did pick up some ginger beer at the store which is delicious and alcohol and caffeine free.  It's a really nice treat!!  I hope you all have a great weekend!!

Day #8 of stims here we come (and my first night of stimmimg as  a 29 year old!!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Monitoring Update...and some embarrassment...

So, this morning I went in for my ultrasound and blood work after my 6th night of stims.  I got my blood drawn first this time and then headed into the exam room.  I stripped off my pants, wrapped the sheet around me, and jumped up on the table (I'm a pro now, you see.)  CJ walked in a little while later because I had left some paperwork at home and he brought it in on his way to work and this way he could see my follicles too.  So, then the doctor came in and was about to start the ultrasound when he stopped and said "opps" and I realized that I had forgotten to take off my lacy, floral underwear.  Needless to say I was super embarrassed.  The doc and IVF nurse stepped out again while I preceded to remove the offending piece of clothing and get back on the table.  The doc was really nice about it and when he walked back in the first thing he said was that this wasn't the first time it's happened.  lol.  I'm still a little embarrassed about the whole thing, but it's been a long week.

As for the ultrasound, my right ovary still has a nice crop of follicles.  He measured 5 between 11 and 15 and then he measured 2 on the left between 11-14.  I got my E2 results later in the day and they are up to 674.  I was really hoping for them to double again, so I'm kinda disappointed.  The nurse who left the message said that they are just happy that the levels are increasing.  Tonight I will continue the Gonal-F 450 + HCG 30 and I'll start the Cetrotide at 10:15pm tonight.

I broke down and cried a little bit this afternoon.  I had been feeling so good since we made the decision to start IVF that the stress associated with the cycle just kinda hit me hard and everyday I just focus on the ultrasound and estradiol levels and I just get so nervous...that they are going to cancel my cycle (even though today the doc said that it looks like we have a nice bunch of follicles to work with) or that I'm not going to get very many eggs or that this isn't going to work.

The other thing that has been bothering me lately is that it's my birthday tomorrow and I feel like it's the birthday that everyone forgot.  I know, I know I said that it was probably a good thing, but it's tough not to have any of friends try to make plans for a Saturday night to celebrate my birthday.  I'm going to try to make the best of it though.  I have to work in the morning and then I have my appointment at 9:45am.  Then, I'm going to get ice cream (I've been craving it all week) with CJ.  Then, maybe I'll do a little shopping because I got a birthday $10 off from banana republic.  I'll also take my puppy for a walk.  Then, we're going to cook a delicious and healthy meal from the farmer's market food we got this week. I'm thinking something with sweet potatoes and beets and steaks on the grill!!  Okay, so that sounds like a pretty nice day after all.

If you are still reading, thanks for listening.  Your comments are definitely helping me get through this IVF cycle.  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

E2 Update

The nurse just called.  My E2 level doubled since yesterday and is now 497!!!  Wahoo.  She sounded so excited for me on the phone.  Tonight, we are still doing Gonal-F 450 and HCG 30 and I go back in tomorrow at 8:15 for another ultrasound and bloodwork.  I have to say the one thing I love about this is the instant gratification.  Everyday is broken down into appointment...call from nurse with results and instructions...injection...try to get some sleep...and repeat.  It's pretty fun, but way more stressful than I thought that it would be.  For now, I'm really proud of my ovaries for producing some follicles and lots more estrogen!  Good work ovaries!!

Monitoring Ultrasound #2

So after 5 days of stims and a dose increase last night, I went in for my 2nd ultrasound this morning.  Here's the update.

My lining looked thicker, but the doctor didn't measure it.  The on my left ovary there was 1 bigger follicle measuring 10 by 12 and at least 3 smaller ones.  On my right ovary, he measured 5 foll, on right 5 measured between 10 and 15 and at least 3 smaller ones...did not measure lining.  In 2 days will have a better idea of how many follicles will be good and when the retrieval will likely occur. 

I'll update later when I get my estradiol levels, but I'm feeling pretty good after the ultrasound this morning.  I've been praying a lot more and I think that's definitley helping!!

I did ask about donated Gonal-F and they said that they never have any of that donated.  Oh well.  It was worth asking about. 

Come on follies!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Estradiol Level Update...

The nurse just left a message that my E2 level is 254 after 4 days
stims.  It is up from 163 yesterday.  They want me to up my meds
tonight, so I'll be taking Gonal-F 450IU and HCG 30U.  I go in
tomorrow morning for my 2nd ultrasound and repeat blood work.  I'm
definitely concerned that I'm not responding well enough to the meds,
but the nurse made it sound like the level was okay since I had a
bunch of follicles.  The other downside of needing to increase my dose
of Gonal-F is that it is so expensive at $372/box (which is 600IU).  I
really hope this works and the cycle doesn't end of being cancelled
since we've already spent about $1200 on meds alone.  It's great
getting daily updates on how I'm doing, but it's really hard trying to
figure out how I'm doing and if everything will work out okay.
Believe me, I'm definitely trying not to stress, but it's hard because
I fee like my levels are a little on the low side (especially since
they increased my meds for tonight.)

Here we go, Day #5 of stims.  I'll be praying for a nice rise in my E2
level and some beautiful follicles tomorrow!!

In symptoms note, I started feeling occaisional twinges in my lower
abdomen so hopfully there is something growing in there and I'm just
off to a slow start.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Monitoring Update...

Monitoring Ultrasound

So, I went in this morning at 8am.  Here's what we found.  My lining was at 3...which I expected because I'm still spotting, but my RE said that's totally fine.  The biggest follicle on my left was at 9 with lots of little ones and on my right I had one that she measured at 7 and more little ones.  My E2 level was 163.  Is that a good level for after 3 days of stims???

The plan is to continue Gonal-F + HCG tonight and tomorrow night and return to clinic at 8am tomorrow morning for a repeat Estradiol level and then on Thursday morning for repeat ultrasound and blood work.

I'm a little disappointed by the minimal growth since we have such a long way to go, but my RE said that everything looks perfect, so I'm just going to have to go with that.

Day #4 of stims here we come...

Monday, January 16, 2012

Day 3 of stims and some help from a fellow blogger...

That's right later tonight I'll be getting my third shot and tomorrow morning at 8am is my first monitoring ultrasound.  I'm so nervous about the scan, but I'm trying to stay positive.

I just read this great post about surviving the 2WW with IVF here by Chon at My Path to Insanity and Beyond.  Thanks for the great tips.  I think we are definitely going to do the movie nights and my husband is already on board for some delicious dinner-making!!

Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots...

Okay, so I've only had one shot so far but i had to quote the song which CJ is currently playing in the background.  On Saturday night, I gave myself my first shot and last night, CJ gave me the second shot (he wants to practice before he has to give any IM shots and he said he wants to be more involved).  This is so exciting!   I don't think I'm feeling any different yet, but I did have a moment yesterday when I was sad because none of my friends planned anything for my birthday next weekend.  After a discussion with CJ though I feel better because if we did have a big dinner planned I would have to come up with a good reason why I wasn't drinking but I'm sure a lot of people would think I was pregnant and I definitely don't want that.   Plus my retrieval is tentative for next sunday and depending on how I respond to the meds we might have the retrieval anytime next weekend.

In other exciting news, this is my 102nd post!!  Wow, I cant believe it.  I'm not much of a writer but this blog has definitely helped me through some really tough times.  Its getting all of these feelings and thoughts off my mind and out there for other people to read and comment on that has been so helpful!!  I'm planning my first giveaway for when I reach 50 followers, so that's something to look forward too!!

Have a great week!!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Success Refund Program

At my RE's clinic they offer 2 different IVF plans.  First, you can just pay per cycle and they even have in house financing where you pay all the interest up front and then pay about $300/month for 12 months or you can pay $8400 for an IVF cycle (not including ICIS, assisted hatching, donor eggs, or anything like that.)  The price includes the anesthesia for egg retrieval as well as all the blood work and ultrasounds, retrieval and transfer.  The only thing it doesn't include is the medications.  

The other option to people who qualify is their Success Refund Program.  We qualified for this (based on age, blood work, antral follicle count, and semen analysis.  For this program you pay $20,000 (yes, we liquidated our savings and took out a loan to cover the cost) and you get 4 guaranteed fresh IVF cycles and all the frozens that you may have paid for.  If you don't take a baby home by the end of that, then they refund the entire $20,000.  So basically you either have a baby for $20,000 or you get your money back.  The only thing that we have to pay for is medications, $550 for the anesthesia fee, and egg storage (which is like $30/month and its prorated.  So, this is the program that we are doing.  The break even point for cost is at 2 fresh cycles and one frozen.  I would be totally fine not making it to that point, but it is so nice to have the assurance.  CJ and I talked about what we would do if we made it to the end without a baby and we decided that we would immediately put that money towards adoption.  

It was definitely a tough decision paying per cycle or going with the Success Refund Program, but it's the guarantee that really sold us.  It's kinda crazy how much money that it though.  Now, we are just being super cautious with spending money since every month we have to cover our loan payment as well as medications on top of our usual expenses.  It was an interesting experience writing out the checks for the program on Monday.  Afterwards, we were both in a daze and just went home drank some hot chocolate and cuddled on the couch.  Each day has gotten better though and now we're just so excited to be starting stims.  I feel like I've been posting more because I didn't tell a lot of people in real life about IVF and I just need to get it out on here.   As always, thank you so much for listening and commenting!

Friday, January 13, 2012

The plan so far...

This post is more for documenting reasons since it will be pretty dry and short, but here's the calendar for our IVF.

January 14, 15, 16th:  Gonal-F 375IU + HCG 20U at night
January 17th 8am:  First monitoring ultrasound

That's it so far since we'll probably be doing some adjusting after Tuesday's appointment.  I can't believe that we are only one more day away.

We got the drugs and needles and mini-sharps container and everything yesterday so it's really starting to feel real.  It's kinda crazy how expensive these drugs are...Gonal-F is $372 for 450IU (but there's actually almost 600IU in each vial so that's a little better, but still.  We spent a grand total of $2000 on meds so far (including the antagonist, PIO shots, the trigger, Gonal-F, and low-dose HCG.)

I'm off to take a nap and I'm hoping that I'll be motivated this weekend to post about my first injections and about the success refund program that we're doing.

Happy Weekend!!

Greetings to all!!

As many of my fellow bloggers have pointed out, it's International Delurking Week through this Sunday, the 15th. I have 34 followers which is amazing (I update my husband everytime I get a new follower!) and I'd like to get to know all of you better.  Plus, it's the day before stims so I don't really have anything else going on and your comments will help me pass the time!!  

So, tell me a little about yourself.  

Here's a few questions.  

1.  What do you do to give yourself a break during treatments?
2.  Are you an optimist, pessimist, both, or neither?

Just wanted to keep it simple.  For me, I give myself a break by allowing myself to watch mindless tv in the evenings. It really helps me relax after a stressful day at work.  I also go to bed super early even if I don't get a chance to finish the laundry, study, or clean-up (which also means that our house is a mess right now...lol).  I think I'm still an optimist, but I'm trying to become more of a realist.  Every month last year, I firmly believed that this was the month...and it wasn't x 12.  This year, with the help of my therapist, I'm trying to take a more detached and still hopeful approach.  So, I would say that I'm a guarded optimist.  Can't wait to hear from all of you!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The cycle is a go...

My appointment yesterday went great.  No cysts on my oviaries and 19 antral follicles.  Plus, my estradiol level was 22 so we are ready to for this cycle.  Here's the plan.  I will take my last BCP tonight.  Then, on Saturday I will have my first injection of Gonal-F and low-dose hcg and then continue that until my first monitoring appointment on Tuesday morning at 8am.  Needless to say, I'm so excited!!  We are also wrote our checks so we are all set for the Success-Refund Program.  I will write more about what that entails later. Now, I'm ordering my medications.  Wahoo!!  Here we go!!

Monday, January 9, 2012


So, I'm home on a mini-vacation today and before getting some work done I decided to venture on to facebook.  Big mistake...huge...(get it??  It's a quote from Pretty Woman)

Anyway, I just found out that another one of my co-workers' wife is pregnant and a college friend who just got married last year is very pregnant.  I'm still super pumped about starting IVF, but it's still hard to hear about new pregnancy announcements.

Augh, augh, augh...

Sunday, January 8, 2012

One more day...

until my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork.  My appointment is 3:30pm tomorrow afternoon.  I cannot wait.  I'm nervous and anxious.  I just want to get the go ahead to start our IVF cycle.  Let's get this show on the road!!

At least there's lots of football to watch and laundry to be done in the mean time.

Speaking of which, last night we went out with friends for dinner and to watch the football games.  CJ and I aren't drinking in preparation for this IVF cycle and I knew that if I didn't order a drink my friends would immediately be suspicious that I was actually pregnant.  So, I ordered a water and then immediately said, and no I'm not pregnant, I'm just on a diet for my new years resolution, which I think explained it well.  I wish I could just tell everyone about IVF because I'm so excited for it, but on the other hand, I don't want a whole lot of people to know because I fee like that would add stress as well. It was a really fun night of hanging out and delicious food sans alcohol.

Hope you are all having a nice and relaxing weekend!!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy New Year!!

Well, I can't say that I am sorry to see 2011 end.  It's kinda funny because if you had asked me last year at New Years if I thought that I would not be pregnant or have a baby by January 1st, 2012, I would have said absolutely not.  I still in some ways cannot believe that I did not manage to get pregnant (except for that incredibly short lived chemical pregnancy) in 2012.  My sister on the other hand was living my dream.  She got pregnant and had a baby in 2011.  Maybe 2012 will be by year.  All I know for sure is that IVF will be a part of my 2012 year...and I'm so excited.  Only one week left until my baseline scan and pay day.  We're struggling a little bit to get the money together since all $20K is due next Monday and we'll have to dish out additional money for our drugs then too.  CJ is working frantically to get it all together, but I can tell that he's a little nervous too.  His parents graciously let us take out a loan from them and then check is in the mail.  We're cutting it a little close, but I think we'll be okay. 

I just wanted to update you on how things went with my family.  As many of you know, I struggled significantly with my sister being pregnant this year while I went through many failed treatment cycles.  I was so worried about what it would be like to see her over the holidays.  You know what?  It was great.  We're still best friends and I really did miss her this year.  It was great to see her and catch up and her new baby is beautiful.  It was great getting to hold that baby and see my other niece and nephew.  The best part was that she's no longer pregnant, which made it so much easier for me.  Now, I can only hope that I get and stay pregnant with my first before she gets pregnant again with her 4th.  I have about a 9-15 months before she'll probably be pregnant again, but at least for now, things are good. 

My new years resolutions are simple right now and vague because I don't know how much I can expect from myself with this upcoming IVF cycle and I want to give myself a break.  Basically, I need to study more, eat healthier, relax (relax, relax, relax) and clean my house.  I think I can manage that.  I'll try to come back with more specific goals, but we'll see. 

Thank you 2011 for teaching me more about patience and grief and jealousy and love than I could have ever asked for...patience for getting pregnant and having a baby, grief for not delivering a baby in March 2011, jealousy for my sister getting pregnant and having a baby, and love for my wonderful husband and soul mate.  Here's to a New Year!  Come on 2012...make our dreams come true!!