Sunday, July 31, 2011

Here we go again...

There was no happy ending for me this time around.  AF arrived on Friday.  No BFP, no getting to start counting up weeks, no baby growing inside me.  Total bummer.  I really thought we had it this last time around.  Now, its on to cycle 8 of TTC after my miscarriage.  I'll be doing clomid again...round #5.  We won't be able to do IUI though because we'll be on vacation, so more fun timed intercourse on vacation and at home and a lot more praying!!

Today is CD 3 and I took my first dose of clomid this morning.  Tomorrow, I'm off to my first acupuncture appointment for infertility and I'm so excited.  It feels like we're really doing things differently this cycle by adding in the acupuncture.  I'm also going to abandon my thermometer and OPKs.  Oh yeah, and I'm going to keep hula hooping!!

Have a great weekend!!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

13, 14, 15...

Dpo and no testing or temping for me and its actually been a nice relaxed couple of days.  I got most of my tears out on Monday and part of me has already moved on to next cycle where I'll be doing clomid and acupuncture, which I'm really excited about.  No AF yet, but I've started to have some of my typical cramping and I'm totally craving chocolate...another sign of her imminent arrival.  When I've taken Clomid in the past, my luteal phase has been 15-16 days, so I should be seeing AF tomorrow or over the weekend. I'm sure I'll cry again when she comes, but for now it's nice to be relaxed and looking forward to cycle #8.

Thanks to everyone for your supportive comments.  They have met so much to me.  Now, I'm off to do a little shopping with CJ and get some ice cream!!

Monday, July 25, 2011

12 dpo

Thank you to everyone for your supportive comments.  I wish I had better news, but I got another BFN (I mean stark white, not even a hint of a line) at 12 dpo this morning.  Oh well.  I guess it just wasn't in the cards, the time is not right, good things come to those who wait, etc, etc, etc. 

I'm feeling a little bit better today though, mostly because I've been busy at work.  It's kinda nice to have the negative early because even though I'm not filled with hope all week and thinking that I could be pregnant, it will not be so devastating with AF shows.  I'm expecting her sometime Wednesday thru Friday.  My luteal phase seems to be a bit longer when I'm on clomid, so I'm thinking Friday is more like it.  Then, it's on to Clomid Round #5. 

Happy Monday to everyone and thanks again for all of your support during this 2WW. 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

11 DPO


Well, I guess that means the trigger shot is out of my system.  We'll see what happens in the next couple of days, but I'm not feeling  very optimistic.  I really think I'm out this cycle.  At least, I have a couple of days to get used to the idea.  I really don't know how it didn't work this cycle.  I had 2 good follicles, a great triple layer lining, HCG trigger shot, perfectly timed sex, and I didn't do any heavy exercise.  I guess it just wasn't meant to be, but that's a hard pill to swallow with the one year anniversary of my miscarriage looming in a month.

I'm sad and down, which is not a great way to go into the week.  Augh.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Friday Night Frustrations

Greetings to everyone stopping over for the July ICLW!  Thanks for reading and following along and of course, for all of your support. 

Also, my husband and I have officially completed our fertility testing after my husband went for his seman analysis this morning.  I'm anxiously awaiting the results and I'll keep you posted.

After that nice, positive note, the rest of this post may not be that happy.  I feel the need to vent again for a couple of reasons, so here goes.  First, I'm currently stuck at work with a woman in my class who used to be my best friend last year and we were pregnant together last summer.  We were one week apart and I know that I was looking forward to sharing all the new experiences of pregnancy together during the subsequent 8 months.  Throughout the first 10 weeks, we shared our morning sickness symptoms and commisterated about changing our schedules to have time for maternity leave and not drinking alcohol (wow, I was so innocent a year ago).  After I lost my baby, she was a terrible friend and just complained about her pregnancy to me.  I just decided that I couldn't be friends with someone who knew what I had been through and couldn't show any compassion or understanding.  It sucked though because I lost my best friend.  It was also like getting punched in the stomach everytime I saw her and her growing belly as the months went on.  When she finally had the baby, it was a relief that she wasn't going to be at work for 2 months and I planned on getting pregnant while she was out on maternity leave, but no such luck.  Now, she's back at work and she has a healthy 4 month son.  Me, I'm still not pregnant, but I have a 4 month old puppy.  So, the reason for my story is that today she brought her son into the resident lounge.  I just got up and walked out.  It's just too much to hear people gushing about her beautiful baby when that should have been me too.  Plus, no one bring their babies into the resident lounge.  There are a lot of babies of residents in my department and this is the first time I have ever seen one in our lounge.  It kinda felt like getting punched in the stomach and I still haven't completely recovered.  Although, I am feeling better now that I've gotten it out. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

1 week down

So, how am I doing with my list?  Well, I'm still staying away from heavy exercise, but I haven't made it out for a walk in a couple of days and I haven't started my daily yoga yet.  I've been busy though with work.  Plus, I'm standing more at work to try to burn some extra calories.  I did a ton of laundry though this weekend, so I'm doing good there.  Plus, I just heard that hula hooping is good for fertility, so I picked up a hula hoop and I plan on using it everyday!!  I also made an appointment for an acupuncture class on August 1st.  That way if I get pregnant this month, I can cancel it and if AF arrives (God, I hope not!), than at least I have something new to try for next month.

In other news, I just found out that another resident in my class is expecting a baby in January and another one of my classmates just had a baby today.  Sometimes, I just get stuck in a rut thinking about why did I have to be the one to miscarry when every one else I know has gotten pregnant and had their babies or is pregnant now.  And even if I had to have the miscarriage, why have I not been able to get pregnant again?  Why? Why? Why?

I feel like I'm in infertile purgatory and I have no idea how to get out.   Sorry, I'm just venting a little bit, but it's been a rough week so far.

In testing news, I took a test at 3dpo and 5dpt because I wanted to see what a positive pregnancy test looked like.  It looks awesome, but not nearly as awesome as a positive pregnancy test would next week for me!  I took another test today at 7dpo and 9dpt and got a very, very faint 2nd line, which is probably just the remains of the trigger.  I'm planning on testing again in a couple of days to see if the lines getting lighter or darker, but who knows I might break down and test again tomorrow.  As far as signs go, my temps look great and even climbed another 0.3 degrees this morning.  I've also been having on and off again stomach cramps...they kinda feel like my ovulation cramps and kinda like a stomach ache, so I'm not really sure what that's about.  I'm also bloated, have occasional nausea, very strange dreams, occasional headaches, and I think that's about it.  I guess we'll see what the next week brings..

Saturday, July 16, 2011

2 busy, productive, and fun-filled weeks...

So fertility friend officially confirmed my ovulation on CD 16 with 3 days of high temps.  I think I'll take a break from temping for the next 2 weeks, which I'm excited about.  I'm still really excited that I ovulated on CD 16, which is so early for me!!  It's also cool how well I know my body now because I had great fertile EWCM prior to ovulation and then for the past 2 days, I've had creamy CM which is means that I ovulated.  On the other hand, I wish I didn't know my body this well and I lived in blissful, fertile ignorance.  If knowing more about my body and cycles helps me get pregnant though it will all be worth it.
So, since I'm in the 2WW, I thought that I'd come up with some goals for the next 2 weeks, so that when this time period ends I can look back and say well at least I was productive, had fun, and relaxed.

1.  Continue with my no heavy exercise plan.  It's a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I think mainly because if I can't be pregnant than I would like to be thin, but it's also been really nice giving my body a break this month.
2.  Go for a walk every day!!
3.  Eat more fruits and veggies!  Eat less chocolate.
4.  Organize and finish decorating the office...we've already built one bookshelf, but we have one more to do and then a lot of organizing.
5.  Organize our outside storage shed and hang our bicycles inside.
6.  Go to bed early!!
7.  Study for work and attend all lectures.
8.  Do yoga everyday...i started doing the short sections on Hulu, but i may need to invest in a good DVD.  If you know any, let me know.
9.  Keep up with laundry and keeping our house clean!
10.  Be happy!!!

The nice thing about this list is that it will definitely keep me busy!!  Have a great weekend!!
Thank you to everyone for the well-wishes and awesome positive comments on this cycle!!

Thursday, July 14, 2011


It begins again.

I'm in the 2WW and I'm not really sure how I'm feeling.  I'm happy that this cycle has been moving so quickly and it's wonderful to ovulate on CD 16 instead of CD 22.  Yea!  Yesterday, Ovulation Day, I was expecting horrible cramps (the nurse told me to be on the look out), but I only had dull aching throughout the day.  We bd'd the night of the trigger, 32 hours after the trigger, and 52 hours after the trigger or 18 hours after ovulation.  I'm confident that we had excellent timing and I seemed to have excellent fertile CM, so I didn't need to use any preseed.  All I can do now is wait, hope, and pray.

Dear God,
Please let this be the one we've been waiting for, our rainbow baby.  On my end of things, I will strive to get the most out of every day of this 2ww and be happy and thankful for all the blessing that I do have.
Thanks for listening!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Ultrasound and Trigger!!

Just got back from my ultrasound.  They really have a good gig going there.  I was only in the office for like 15 minutes and it cost me $225.  Crazy, but hopefully worth it because my right ovary had 2 nice follicles measuring 19 and 20.  Plus, my uterine lining was trilaminar (I think thats the word, but there were 3 layers) and thicker.  So, we went ahead with the trigger shot. The nurse gave it to me, which was good because I don't think that my husband would have been able to do it.  Now, I'm letting myself just get excited because I will ovulate in 36 hours, on CD 16 which will be the earliest that I have ever ovulated!! Plus, CJ and I will have perfectly timed BD'ing so that's good.  I'm gonna try to stay happy, relaxed, and excited!! Here we go!!

Anxious and excited...

Happy Monday.

No +OPK over the weekend or today, so I'm going in at 4pm for my CD 14 ultrasound.  I'm nervous that my follicles didn't grow enough over the weekend and I really don't want to have to pay for another ultrasound.  I'm also really excited because if my follicles are big enough than I will trigger tonight!!  Only 2 more hours to be in suspense and I'll keep you posted.  I have been having some twinges in my ovaries so hopefully something is growing in there (but not too!)

Friday, July 8, 2011


Happy Friday.  I'm not sad today, which is good and I have some reasons to be happy or at least kinda excited.  Today is CD 11 (which also means it's another BD'ing day = Happy!)  I had my mid-cycle monitoring ultrasound today.  Here's what we saw.

My endometrial stripe was 5.  He said that was a little on the thin side, but that it would get thicker over the next few days.

On my left ovary, there were a couple of follicles, but the largest was only 10.

On my right ovary, there were 2 nice, big follicles measuring 15mm.  Since follicles grow about 2mm/day, he said that I should be ready to ovulate in 3 days, which is really exciting.  Plus, I have 2 dominant follicles, so hopefully I'll have at least 2 changes to get knocked up or maybe twins.  Then, he joked that we might be adding some conservative republicans to our family (since they are coming from the  It made me feel so good though to see my body responding to the meds and to hear the doctor talking about making babies from theses follicles.

Next step is LH-surge testing over the weekend.  If no surge by Monday, then I'll have another ultrasound and get a trigger shot that night.

Speaking of the trigger shot.  My doctor called it in to CVS, who then called me to say that it would be a $1500 prescription.  Well, there is no way we can afford that so I did some calling around and found Freedom Fertility Pharmacy who will supply the meds by Monday for only $75.  That is such a relief.  I guess I won't be getting any new clothes for the summer though.

So, I guess I'm a little more hopeful today, but I still just want to be pregnant already and I'm worried how I will get through another arrival of AF.  Only time will tell...

Happy Weekend!!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Sad today

i'm not sure why but i'm sad today.  maybe because its been a slow day at work.  maybe because one of my co-worker's wife is 39.5weekss pregnant and due any day now and i really thought that i'd at least be pregnant by the time she delivered.  i'm also starting to lose hope that i'll ever get pregnant again and have a healthy baby.  i never imagined that it would take me this long after my miscarriage to pregnant again and there's no end in site.  sorry for such a downer post but the purpose of my blog is to be able to vent these emotions and today i'm feeling hopeless.  i just want to be pregnant again already.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

July Already

I haven't disappeared.  I just changed to a new rotation and I'm getting used to the new hours and requirements.  The best thing is that for the next 2 months no more call every 4th night, but on the downside my hours daily are a little worse and I have to work this weekend, which is a bummer.

I finished taking my clomid on Monday.  This cycle around I'm doing it CD 3-7.  I'm hoping that it's the lucky combination.  Today is CD 9 and because of our schedules we are going to start the BD'ing every other day tonight.  Normally, I would wait until CD 12-13, but since I took the clomid earlier, I might actually ovulate earlier and I don't want to miss the window.  I don't know how I feel about this cycle.  In many ways, I feel like its just not going to work out and I'm trying to be okay with that.  Everything else is going so well with CJ and our new puppy and it's summer and I'm finally out of the PICU, so I'm actually happier and more relaxed than I have been in awhile.  I'm also a little resigned to the fact that it's going to take more time to get pregnant.  I got CJ to agree to 3 cycles with our RE before we take a break.  We'll be paying out of pocket for the ultrasounds and IUI (if we do that next cycle) so we'll need to take breaks so that we can save up more money.  I'm also moonlighting a little bit to try to make some extra money.  Every little bit helps.  I go in on Friday, CD 11, for my monitoring ultrasound.  This will be my first ultrasound while I'm taking clomid, so I'm excited to see what's going on in there, but I'm nervous that my follicles will be too small or too many.  I haven't talked about a trigger shot with my RE yet, but depending on the results from the ultrasound, maybe we'll get to try that this time around.

I'm already looking forward to ovulating (hopefully in the next 10 days) and moving on to the 2WW.  I'm also trying one more new thing this cycle.  No heavy exercise.  I will be walking and doing yoga only.  This may be kind of hard for me and I'm worried about gaining weight.  I've been running and doing the Insanity workout program for the past couple of months and that hasn't worked, so this time I'm trying something different.  I'm also trying to eat a little better (more fruits and veggies!)  

I'm hoping that this really will be a lucky 7 for me, but I think I'll be okay if its not.  I'm gonna try to take it one day at a time.