Monday, February 27, 2012

We're having TWINS!!!

Both little eagles decided to stick around and we are so thankful and a little in shock.  Twin A is measuring 6w4d and Twin B is measuring 6w6d and I am 6w5d so that's perfect!!  CJ is totally in shock and it still doesn't really feel real.  My next ultrasound is next Friday when I'll be 8w2d.

Please stay around little eagles!!  We are so in love already!!

Ultrasound Day!!

T-minus 30 minutes until we get to see if the little eagles have stuck around!!  Please send your thoughts and prayers...I am so nervous/terrified.  I'll update later this afternoon if I can, but I'm hitting the road to Philadelphia so I'll do my best!!

Here we go...

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

6 Weeks and Happy ICLW!!

Welcome!!  As you probably guessed from the title, I am newly pregnant.  I am 6 weeks today and I couldn't be happier.  It's been a long road (not as long as some, but exhausting, isolating, depressing, hopeless, frustrating, and awful just the same).  I'm glad you stopped by.  Here's the brief run-down...

We started TTC in March 2010.  I went off birth control, started temping, and by July had my first BFP!!  At 6 weeks, we saw one beautiful little heartbeat.  At 10 weeks, the heartbeat was gone and my baby had stopped growing at 8w5d.  To say that it was heartbreaking is an understatement.  I had my first D&C later that day, then had a 2nd D&C one week later for a retained blood clot.  We waited for 2 cycles before TTC (the 2nd of which I had to use Provera) and then I had 2 super long cycles with late ovulation. 

My OB started my on 3 months of Clomid with a brief chemical pregnancy at the end of the 3rd cycle.  Then, we took a month off for further testing and I had my HSG (which was normal) and tons of blood work (all normal). 

Then, it was off to RE #1 for clomid, trigger shot, and TI...and ultimately BFN.  By August though, I moved to my current RE's office and they are wonderful.  We underwent 2 cycles of Femara, Trigger Shot, IUI with no luck and one cycle off due to a large cyst.  With my BFN around Thanksgiving time, my husband and I knew that it was time to go big or go home and we started planning for IVF. 

We took that month off for tests (blood work, repeat semen analysis, saline hysterogram and mock transfer) and I prayed for a miracle before we shelled out the big bucks.  It was not meant to be as AF arrived 2 days after Christmas.  We rang in the New Year with BCP and antibiotics. 

I went in for my baseline scan on January 9th and got the clear to start stims on January 14th.  My egg retrieval was January 25th and we got 12 eggs.  Of those 12, 7 fertilized and we had a day 3 transfer of 2 8-cell embryos (excellent grades and minimal fragmentation) on January 28th.  Unfortunately, none of our remaining 5 embryos made it to freeze.  After 2 glorious days on bed rest (seriously, I loved it!!) the 2WW dragged on and my doubt and anxiety crept up.  I started testing with leftover OPKs around 4dp3dt and at 8dp3dt I was rewarded with a BFP.  I continued testing all week leading up to my beta.  My first beta was on February 10th at 13dp3dt (16dpo) and it was a nice high 1397!!!  My 2nd beta 3 days later was 4,320 with a doubling time of 44 hours.  Now, I'm in my 2nd 2WW as I await my ultrasound next Monday.  Oh yeah, and I'm continuing to POAS just for reassurance that I really am pregnant. 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!!  If anyone has advice for pregnancy after miscarriage that would be very much appreciated because I'm terrified that I will lose these babies (baby) after we fought so long and hard to get here.  I am so in love with them already and I really hope that they stick around.  Only 5 more sleeps until my first ultrasound!!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

A nice relaxing weekend...

is exactly what I needed.  I had to work for 7 hours on Saturday and then after I got home, I just sat on the couch, watched TV with CJ, played with my puppy, took a nap, ate Chinese food, and went to bed early.  Today, I went to church, went to the store, and came home to more quality time with CJ and the puppy on our couch.  It has been wonderful.  I've been so tired this week that I really needed to spend this time just resting and I've loved every minute of it.

I have a funny store and a confession to make.

I'll start with the confession.  I'm still POAS...every other day.  I just can't help it.  I went to the dollar store and bought 5 tests last week and tested every other day and then I got a few more today and plan on doing the same.  The line is getting a little darker each time which is fun to watch, but I just like the confirmation that I'm still pregnant.  It's been giving me something to look forward to in the mornings and it's helping pass the time...but I kinda feel like an addict.

Now, for my funny story.  I was reading a blog today and someone had posted their pictures of HPTs and the progression of the line getting darker.  CJ came in and said "Oh look someone keeps all their tests like you and posts the pictures."  And then I said, "Yea, a lot of women post pictures of their pee sticks."  He thought this was hilarious.  Then, he said "Well, I'm gonna go use my pee stick now" and he headed off to use the bathroom.  I have a feeling that I will be hearing the term pee stick from him an awful lot now, but its so funny and he really cracks me up.

Well, its time to go back to the couch and watch some more Downton Abby.  We're on Season 2 now and it's soooooo good!!!

Thursday, February 16, 2012


I can't believe I just wrote that.  I'm just very happy and very thankful to be here and I hope it just keeps on going.  My first ultrasound is 11 days from now at 6w5d on Monday February 27th.  I'm so nervous and excited, but I'm still feeling very confident in the pregnancy because I'm already feeling pretty sick and I'm absolutely exhausted.  I even hope that I start throwing up and don't stop until I'm out of the 1st trimester because that would be so reassuring.  (I really do mean that...I'm loving feeling nausous and tired right now because it means that the little eagles are growing!!)

Off to get some rest.  I have a couple of posts to catch up on, but I just don't have the energy today including being Tagged and my thoughts on being pregnant after a miscarriage.

I hope you all are having a great week!!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Beta #2

I have more good news to report.  My beta this morning was 4,320 which is a doubling time of about 45 hours, which the nurse said is perfect, especially since the number is so high.  I still can't believe how high these numbers's giving me so much hope.  Everyone at the doctor's office was very nice and congratulatory today which was awesome and then when the IVF nurse called to tell me the results she sounded kinda giddy on the phone.  It was great. 

The next step is to wait 2 weeks before my first ultrasound.  I think I'm going to schedule it for Monday February 27th or Wednesday February 29th which will put me at 6w5d or 7w.  It's going to be another long 2WW, but I am so filled with hope right now and I'm going to try really hard to just take it one day at a time. 

Mostly, I just like thinking..."I'm pregnant!"  I'm so happy!! 

I hope you all had a great weekend!! 

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The 2nd week of the 2WW...

My last post of the first week of the 2WW was last Friday and I was feeling very down and negative about the cycle.  I realized that I had a ton of digital ovulation tests leftover and since we would just be continuing with IVF if this cycle didn't work then I figured that I wouldn't need them anyways, so I might as well as them.  I know, I know you are not supposed to test early, but I was going crazy in my head and this was the only thing that felt good to me.  Plus, I have spent the last 7 cycles before IVF not testing early and that didn't help me to get pregnant either so I figured that I had nothing to lose.  So, on Friday afternoon I tested the digital was negative, but when I popped the stick out there was a clear line and it had been stark white 2 days before.  So, I went on my way.  Saturday morning, still negative digital, but darker test line and it looked like my tests always look the day before I get my smiley face.

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear.  I tested again.  I remember staring at the blinking test and picturing a smiley face in my mind when sure enough...Positive digital OPK.  OMG!!  Now, the rule as I understand it is...if you get a positive OPK then a HPT should also be positive.  So, I did what any sane infertile person would do (sane infertile, is that even possible??) and went to church and stopped by the store on my way home and picked up a cheap Target brand 3-pack of tests.  I held my urine for 4 hours and tested with the HPT.  Sure enough, a line popped up nice and quick.  There I was only 8 dp3dt and I had the first positive HPT that I have seen in a very long time.  I told CJ, but he didn't even really want to believe it and he was kinda upset that I tested early when we decided together that we weren't going to do that.  (I don't blame him at all.)

I spent the rest of the week peeing on sticks every morning.  At 9dp3dt I used another HPT and even darker line popped up right away.  Then, at 10 dp3dt, I used another OPK and sure enough the smiley face was still there and the line was super dark.  Then, on 11dp3dt I took my first ever digital test that showed the beautiful "Pregnant."  It was awesome!!  It was also CJ's birthday so I thought that it was a great gift for him, but he didn't even want to talk about it until after the beta.  On Thursday, at 12dp3dt in the morning I took my last HPT and the line was almost as dark as the control line.  I started freaking out.  What if this wasn't real?  Did I get my hopes up for nothing?  So that night I took my last OPK and it was still a smiley face and the test line was darker than the control by a long shot.

And that is how I spent my 2ww.

My goal now is to google less and enjoy every minute that I am blessed to be pregnant.  I am pregnant right now and so, so happy!!

Thank you to everyone for your wonderful comments and support!!!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Beta #1

Guess what?!?  The nurse started the post off with "It's good news!!"  My Beta today at 13dp3dt is 1397!!!

Wow!!  That seems super high, but I'm excited.  Hopefully, it just means that both little eagles are planning on sticking around.  The IVF nurse said that it was a wonderful number and that it is high, but that might indicate twins, but did not seem concerned.  I go in on Monday for a repeat beta.  She also said that I may need to still be cautious with my activity level since my beta is so high that my ovaries might start to get bigger again.  And to tell you what, I have noticed more soreness down there that is similar to when I was triggering for the retrieval. 

I can't believe today is finally here.
I can't believe I already had my beta drawn.
I can't believe I'm pregnant.  Yea!

This time around I am going to believe in my babies and try not to spend all my time worried about miscarriage.  That is all I did the last time I was pregnant and it didn't change the outcome.  This time I have every reason to be optimistic.  The embryos were normal when we put them back in, my lining looked great, I'm continuing with the PIO shots, and I believe in the little eagles and I can't wait to meet them!!

I will post later about the second week of the 2WW and how I passed the time.  It's really only interesting to me and I couldn't post at the time, but now I want to document it. 

Thank you everyone for your wonderful support and optimism and help through this wonderful and difficult time!!  I have the best followers!!  I feel so blessed!!

Happy, happy Friday!!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

How am I going to make it to tomorrow?

Today has crawled by.  I'm super anxious about the Beta tomorrow.  I have another lecture at work and then I'm heading home where I plan on relaxing on the couch, watching tv, and trying to go to sleep as early as possible.  Please, please, please let this be it!!!

12dp3dt....or 1 day until Beta

I'm still here and trying to read along with everyone else, but for some reason I couldn't post.    I have no idea how I made it through the past week...and now I have no idea how I'm gonna make it through the next day.  Beta tomorrow.  I'll go in and have my blood drawn around 8:30am and I cannot wait!  I hope I'll have some good news to share tomorrow.  Until then, I'm just gonna be trying to make it through the day.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

5dp3dt or 1 week and 1 day until Beta...

I figured a couple of things out last night.  I think some of my negativity right now comes from the fact that I am currently working nights.  I came back from bed rest straight to working the night shift and that's just hard for morale because I don't get to see my friends at work except when they are stuck their late on-call and I don't get to see my husband at home except for the few short minutes after I get home before I fall asleep.  Plus, this week at work has been exhausting. 

I'm also really bloated now too, but I just feel incredibly fat.  I've been trying to cut back on eating snacks and candy, etc since I'm not exercising, but it's tough, especially on the night  I think I'm going to start taking short, leisurely walks this weekend and continue through my beta.  I asked my clinic about walking and they said routine walking is okay, but long, strenuous walks are probably not, but a nice 15-30minute walk with my dog will probably be fine. 

Finally, (and this is the big one) I realized that at every point last year when we were trying new treatments and TTC, I was so hopeful every month.  When we first started trying after the miscarriage, I fully believed that we would get pregnant right away...and that didn't happen.  Then, as soon as we started Clomid and perfectly timed intercourse and earlier ovulation, I thought that we would get pregnant...and that didn't happen.  When we added mid-cycle monitoring and trigger shot and timed intercourse, I thought that we would get pregnant...and that didn't happen.  When I switched to femara with trigger and IUI, I thought that we would get pregnant...and that didn't happen.  Now, here I am one week and one day away from finding out if my first IVF cycle worked and I can't help but feel like history may be bound to repeat itself.  Because you see, every month last year, I firmly believed that it was THE month when we would finally make our rainbow.  Now, I feel like we have every reason why this IVF cycle worked...a nice, thick lining (somewhere between 11-13) and 2 beautiful 8-cell embabies with low fragmentation transferred on day 3...and I'm terrified that once again despite how good it sounds on paper, despite how desperately I want this to work, despite believing that it should work (how could it not work, right?) that my body will fail me, that my clinic will call and say "I'm sorry" instead of "congratulations," that AF will arrive once again. 


I know, I know that was a very 'woe is me paragraph.'  I really do know that, but I also know that I feel like a weight has been lifted from my chest after writing that down and I'm slightly more relaxed knowing why I'm so very nervous to find out if this worked or not.  That's what this blog is here I can get all my thoughts and feelings out there and take a load off my heart and my head. 

I'll leave you with one football tidbit.  I am a huge Patriot fan since I grew up in New England.  As such, if the Pats were playing the Eagles, I would obviously cheer for the Pats.  However, my father-in-law is a huge Eagles fan, so when the Eagles are playing anyone else, we tend to route for the Eagles.  Now, we did not name the little eagles after the Eagles football team and I know that the Eagles are not playing in the Superbowl this year, but let's just say for the next 1 week and 1 day I am the biggest little eagle fan and I'll be rooting and praying for them!!

**I just looked up the definition of rooting (because I was trying to figure out how to spell and this is also what I came up with...

v. root·ed, root·ing, roots
1. To grow roots or a root.
2. To become firmly established, settled, or entrenched.
3. To come into existence; originate.
1. To cause to put out roots and grow.
2. To implant by or as if by the roots.
So yea, I'll totally be rooting for my little eagles!!