5dp3dt or 1 week and 1 day until Beta...

I figured a couple of things out last night.  I think some of my negativity right now comes from the fact that I am currently working nights.  I came back from bed rest straight to working the night shift and that's just hard for morale because I don't get to see my friends at work except when they are stuck their late on-call and I don't get to see my husband at home except for the few short minutes after I get home before I fall asleep.  Plus, this week at work has been exhausting. 

I'm also really bloated now too, but I just feel incredibly fat.  I've been trying to cut back on eating snacks and candy, etc since I'm not exercising, but it's tough, especially on the night shift...lol.  I think I'm going to start taking short, leisurely walks this weekend and continue through my beta.  I asked my clinic about walking and they said routine walking is okay, but long, strenuous walks are probably not, but a nice 15-30minute walk with my dog will probably be fine. 

Finally, (and this is the big one) I realized that at every point last year when we were trying new treatments and TTC, I was so hopeful every month.  When we first started trying after the miscarriage, I fully believed that we would get pregnant right away...and that didn't happen.  Then, as soon as we started Clomid and perfectly timed intercourse and earlier ovulation, I thought that we would get pregnant...and that didn't happen.  When we added mid-cycle monitoring and trigger shot and timed intercourse, I thought that we would get pregnant...and that didn't happen.  When I switched to femara with trigger and IUI, I thought that we would get pregnant...and that didn't happen.  Now, here I am one week and one day away from finding out if my first IVF cycle worked and I can't help but feel like history may be bound to repeat itself.  Because you see, every month last year, I firmly believed that it was THE month when we would finally make our rainbow.  Now, I feel like we have every reason why this IVF cycle worked...a nice, thick lining (somewhere between 11-13) and 2 beautiful 8-cell embabies with low fragmentation transferred on day 3...and I'm terrified that once again despite how good it sounds on paper, despite how desperately I want this to work, despite believing that it should work (how could it not work, right?) that my body will fail me, that my clinic will call and say "I'm sorry" instead of "congratulations," that AF will arrive once again. 

Whew!!

I know, I know that was a very 'woe is me paragraph.'  I really do know that, but I also know that I feel like a weight has been lifted from my chest after writing that down and I'm slightly more relaxed knowing why I'm so very nervous to find out if this worked or not.  That's what this blog is here for...so I can get all my thoughts and feelings out there and take a load off my heart and my head. 

I'll leave you with one football tidbit.  I am a huge Patriot fan since I grew up in New England.  As such, if the Pats were playing the Eagles, I would obviously cheer for the Pats.  However, my father-in-law is a huge Eagles fan, so when the Eagles are playing anyone else, we tend to route for the Eagles.  Now, we did not name the little eagles after the Eagles football team and I know that the Eagles are not playing in the Superbowl this year, but let's just say for the next 1 week and 1 day I am the biggest little eagle fan and I'll be rooting and praying for them!!

**I just looked up the definition of rooting (because I was trying to figure out how to spell it...lol) and this is also what I came up with...

v. root·ed, root·ing, roots

1. To grow roots or a root.

2. To become firmly established, settled, or entrenched.

3. To come into existence; originate.

v.tr.

1. To cause to put out roots and grow.

2. To implant by or as if by the roots.

 

So yea, I'll totally be rooting for my little eagles!!