Life with Twins...

I asked CJ the other day what has been harder for us...going through the miscarriage and infertility or life with twins.  He quickly answered the miscarriage and infertility.  I agree.  Life with newborn twins is far from easy, but it is a dream come true, especially compared to the nightmare of a miscarriage, the struggle to get pregnant again, and infertility treatments.

Life is just different now, but its definitely not harder.  For one thing, I feel like my brain is starting to work again.  For 2 years, it was harder for me to concentrate and study instead of just watching TV, hanging out with CJ, googling everything under the sun related to miscarriage and infertility.  For 2 years, my body wasn't my own...I stopped running marathons and exercising.  Our sex life was hijacked by ovulation sticks and rigorous every other day scheduling and IUIs and hips in the air and IVF.  Our social life was governed by doctor's appointments and ovulations and not wanting to make plans in case we were pregnant or not pregnant and needed to go in for a day 3 scan.  My emotions were ruled by the calendar and whether I was filled with hope or depressed when AF showed again.

I think my babies have brought me back to life and back to myself.  I'm gonna do my best not to waste any more time, but to start to live again and make the most out of every day.

I guess this means more time cuddling my babies, spending quality time with CJ, running, studying and less time sleeping and watching TV.  I couldn't be happier.

In other twin news, I'm breast-feeding the babies and it's going pretty well (but I have a whole other post about how difficult it was starting out and it's still kinda painful and exhausting, but I'm trying to stay positive), but I honestly dont know how long I'll be able to keep it up.  I'm pumping as well so we do one bottle feed/day and thats a nice break.  The twins are both gaining weight and peeing/pooping like crazy.  We started doing time on the play mat and tummy time which is really fun.  They love sleeping in their car seats so it's a lot of fun taking them on walks or out to lunch.  They are also really fun to photograph and my facebook and instagram accounts are filling up with pictures of the twins.

I'm 3.5 weeks into my maternity leave with 3.5 weeks to go.  Time in flying and I'm nervous about going back to work, but I think it will help me to just appreciate them more!!  It looks like I'll be at my pre-pregnancy and possibly pre-IVF weight before I go back to work.  I was about 195 at the end of my pregnancy and now I'm 150.  It's kinda crazy that I lost 45lbs in the past 3 weeks, but I think a lot of the weight gain especially at the end of my pregnancy was water weight.  It is so nice to see my knees, ankles and feet again!!

Oh yeah and I would be remiss if I didn't mention how awesome CJ is with the babies and helping me out.  He is absolutely incredible.  I really hit the jackpot with him!!

Alright, both babies are naping and it's dinner time!!  Thanks for reading and checking in.  Congrats to all the women who have delivered their babies in the past month too!!

Birth Story (continued)...

I last left you when we were opting for the c-section around 1pm on Wednesday, Oct 3rd.  Once we made the decision, everything happened so fast.  I was a wreck for a little while and I just felt sad that I had failed the induction...that my body had seemingly failed me again.  But after some encouragement from CJ and the docs, I  just started to get excited that we would soon be meeting the twins.  They turned off the Pitocin and Magnesium in preparation and had me drink Bicitra to lower the acid in my stomach.  Then the anesthesiologist was in to dose up my epidural so that I would be completely numb from the chest down.  CJ got dressed up in his bunny suit and hat.  We took some pictures.  Then, it was off the OR.  Once we got in the room, they helped me move over to the OR table, bumped me on my side, and put monitors on me and oxygen.  Once they tested to make sure that the epidural was working and had the drapes up, CJ came in and sat by my head.  We nervously chatted about finally deciding on their names while the OBs worked away.  I heard them call out uterine incision and I told CJ that we would soon be meeting our babies.

The next few moments were absolutely amazing.  There's nothing like hearing your children cry for the first time.  Baby girl came out crying and spread eagle as my OB held her over the drapes.  She was so beautiful.  Then, CJ left me to go see her getting all cleaned up.  Two minutes later, my son was born.  He was crying as well and a little smaller, but so so precious.  Next thing I knew, CJ brought baby girl over to me and we decided on her name.  Cassidy Anne.  We had narrowed the names down to 2 for each and she just looked like a Cassidy or a Cass since that's what her Dad calls her.  She was very bright eyed and staring all around.    Then, they brought our son over and we decided on his name.  Chase Davis.  He was breathing a little fast so they wanted to get him over the nursery to check him out.  Before I knew it, my twins were on their way to the nursery and CJ and I were left to sit in wonder about the miracles we had created.

More to come later, but the twins are getting ready to eat again!!

Birth Story

Is that really the title of a post that I am writing?  I feel like I am dreaming..in that my dreams came true on Wed Oct 3rd.  I kept a lot inside during my pregnancy for fear of jinxing something and it's nice now because I can look back and write about how I was feeling at different stages of my pregnancy, labor, delivery, and birth...and now in my life with twins.

After my miscarriage and while we were going through infertility treatments, I kept telling myself that it would all be worth it when we brought our rainbow baby (babies) home.  And you know what?  It was.  Every single moment and heartbreak was worth it for my precious babies.  I am so blessed to be their mother and so incredibly happy and fulfilled.  The hole in my heart is healing and I feel content in a way that just want not possible until now.

Okay, so now onto the birth story, but this is only the beginning because my eyes are closing and I really need a nap.

On Tuesday, Oct 2nd, we arrived at the hospital at 8 am to be admitted and get the induction started.  Within the hour, I was in my room with my IV in place and ready to go.  The babies looked great on the monitor and a quick ultrasound revealed that baby boy had flipped and now both babies were head down. I was still 3 cm and having some contractions in the monitor.  They drew labs and sent a urine.  Next thing I knew the pitocin was started and my induction had officially begun. This was all by 10am.
At 2 pm, my doctor came back with some not so good news...I was spilling even more protein in my urine and my blood pressures were elevated.  She said it was a good thing that I was being induced but unfortunately I would have to go on magnesium.  I was checked again and I was still 3cm but I was more effaced and baby girl's head was lower and my cervix had moved from posterior to anterior.  My contractions were about every 3 to 4 minutes and I was starting to have a lot of pain with them.  They recommended that I get am epidural because they would probably break my water soon top hell speed things up.  Well the magnesium was awful and I just felt terrible...really really hot, nauseous, and out of it so I was looking forward to things moving along.  I was checked again at 9 pm and I had made out to 4 cm and 80% effaced and I felt like things were still moving along.  Overnight though I started to lose hope because my contractions were irregular and further apart.  Around 6 am, I was still
4 cm and they broke my water.  The contractions never picked up though and I continued to be miserable on the mag.

My doctor came in at 12:30 pm and offered me the option to wait until 6 pm and see if I made it to active labor or go back for a section now. After some tears and getting likes failure and a good discussion with CJ, we opted for the c-section.

Nap time...to be continued.

The Eagles have landed!!!

Wow,I can't believe how long it's taken me to write this post.

One week ago today, CJ and I were headed to bed on the eve of my induction.  Tonight we are getting ready to go to bed/stay up all night with our 2 amazing babies.

The little eagles arrived safe and sound on October 3rd weighing in at 6 lbs 1 oz for out little girl and 5 lbs 13 oz for our little man.  They are healthy except for a little bili blanket for our little guy and them both needing to gain weight.  I am so in love!!

I also want to thank every one for your support and encouragement!!

Birth story and more ramblings to come!!