I asked CJ the other day what has been harder for us...going through the miscarriage and infertility or life with twins. He quickly answered the miscarriage and infertility. I agree. Life with newborn twins is far from easy, but it is a dream come true, especially compared to the nightmare of a miscarriage, the struggle to get pregnant again, and infertility treatments.
Life is just different now, but its definitely not harder. For one thing, I feel like my brain is starting to work again. For 2 years, it was harder for me to concentrate and study instead of just watching TV, hanging out with CJ, googling everything under the sun related to miscarriage and infertility. For 2 years, my body wasn't my own...I stopped running marathons and exercising. Our sex life was hijacked by ovulation sticks and rigorous every other day scheduling and IUIs and hips in the air and IVF. Our social life was governed by doctor's appointments and ovulations and not wanting to make plans in case we were pregnant or not pregnant and needed to go in for a day 3 scan. My emotions were ruled by the calendar and whether I was filled with hope or depressed when AF showed again.
I think my babies have brought me back to life and back to myself. I'm gonna do my best not to waste any more time, but to start to live again and make the most out of every day.
I guess this means more time cuddling my babies, spending quality time with CJ, running, studying and less time sleeping and watching TV. I couldn't be happier.
In other twin news, I'm breast-feeding the babies and it's going pretty well (but I have a whole other post about how difficult it was starting out and it's still kinda painful and exhausting, but I'm trying to stay positive), but I honestly dont know how long I'll be able to keep it up. I'm pumping as well so we do one bottle feed/day and thats a nice break. The twins are both gaining weight and peeing/pooping like crazy. We started doing time on the play mat and tummy time which is really fun. They love sleeping in their car seats so it's a lot of fun taking them on walks or out to lunch. They are also really fun to photograph and my facebook and instagram accounts are filling up with pictures of the twins.
I'm 3.5 weeks into my maternity leave with 3.5 weeks to go. Time in flying and I'm nervous about going back to work, but I think it will help me to just appreciate them more!! It looks like I'll be at my pre-pregnancy and possibly pre-IVF weight before I go back to work. I was about 195 at the end of my pregnancy and now I'm 150. It's kinda crazy that I lost 45lbs in the past 3 weeks, but I think a lot of the weight gain especially at the end of my pregnancy was water weight. It is so nice to see my knees, ankles and feet again!!
Oh yeah and I would be remiss if I didn't mention how awesome CJ is with the babies and helping me out. He is absolutely incredible. I really hit the jackpot with him!!
Alright, both babies are naping and it's dinner time!! Thanks for reading and checking in. Congrats to all the women who have delivered their babies in the past month too!!