Monday, May 16, 2011

Not even a hint of a line...

So, I started officially testing this morning at 10dpo.  It wasn't my first test this cycle since I went a little crazy and tested at 7dpo, but I wasn't expecting anything at that time at all.  However, I have read (mostly on babycenter) a lot of people who get their BFP's at 10dpo and I was really hoping that there would be 2 lines there this morning.  I was sadly disappointed.  It was so white that even my poor brain couldn't pretend to see a line.  Oh well.  I know that I'm not out and that it's still early, but I'm still sad and feeling like I'm out this month.  This is probably why I always waited until AF was late to test in the past...then you hold on to hope a lot longer, but the end result is the same.  Plus, I get to test again tomorrow morning and we'll see what happens, but I'm definitely preparing for another BFN.  Here are my reasons why I think that this either is or isn't the month.  (I've been thinking about this for awhile and just need to get it out.)

Why this is/should be my month...
1.  It's been over a year since we started TTC.
2.  It's my third round of clomid and after this my OB is turning me over to the RE (which gives me hope, but also means a lot more money)
3.  My progesterone was 77 at about 4dpo. 
4.  We timed our BD'ing perfectly and this month we even held back a little and did every other day until my +OPK and then everyday after that x 3.  It was basically textbook egg meets sperm plan.
5.  It's been 9 months since my miscarriage.
6.  I would be due right around my birthday.
7.  My twin sister (who just had a baby last May) is about 6 weeks pregnant with her 3rd baby.  How did she get pregnant again before me?  And how is it fair that she had a baby last year and will have a baby this year when I lost my first baby and still can't get pregnant?!?  (I know life's not fair...I'm just venting)
8.  My twin sister and I would get to be pregnant at the same time.
9.  One of my psychic readings said conceive in May or June so I'm hoping that she is right for May!
10.  I would be in my 2nd trimester by August which is when I miscarried last year.

Why this isn't/can't be my month...
1.  It hasn't worked for the past 4 cycles (2 on clomid) so why would it work now.
2.  I can't imagine actually seeing a second line on a pregnancy test.
3.  I can't imagine the end of this sadness that I carry with me daily to be replaced by the hope of  carrying a baby again.
4.  My twin sister is pregnant and obviously got all the fertile genes in the family.
5.  It would be too perfect, too wonderful, too awesome and I'm just not that lucky.
6.  There's only a 20% chance of conception even with perfectly timed BD'ing.
7.  I'm not relaxed enough.
8.  I haven't given up yet...(You always hear about the people who finally gave up trying and that was the month they conceived.)
9.  I used up all my blessings on my amazing husband.
10.  I had a BFN at 10dpo and should probably just realize that I have failed to get pregnant again.  My body has failed me again.

Wow, that actually was therapeutic.  I actually feel a lot better now that I got that out there. 

I also wanted to say thank you to the wonderful people who commented on my blog and a big huge welcome to my 1st 2 followers!!  That's so exciting and it was definitely the bright spot in this otherwise dreary day.  I hope you stay along for the ride.   

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