Well, I can't say that I am sorry to see 2011 end. It's kinda funny because if you had asked me last year at New Years if I thought that I would not be pregnant or have a baby by January 1st, 2012, I would have said absolutely not. I still in some ways cannot believe that I did not manage to get pregnant (except for that incredibly short lived chemical pregnancy) in 2012. My sister on the other hand was living my dream. She got pregnant and had a baby in 2011. Maybe 2012 will be by year. All I know for sure is that IVF will be a part of my 2012 year...and I'm so excited. Only one week left until my baseline scan and pay day. We're struggling a little bit to get the money together since all $20K is due next Monday and we'll have to dish out additional money for our drugs then too. CJ is working frantically to get it all together, but I can tell that he's a little nervous too. His parents graciously let us take out a loan from them and then check is in the mail. We're cutting it a little close, but I think we'll be okay.
I just wanted to update you on how things went with my family. As many of you know, I struggled significantly with my sister being pregnant this year while I went through many failed treatment cycles. I was so worried about what it would be like to see her over the holidays. You know what? It was great. We're still best friends and I really did miss her this year. It was great to see her and catch up and her new baby is beautiful. It was great getting to hold that baby and see my other niece and nephew. The best part was that she's no longer pregnant, which made it so much easier for me. Now, I can only hope that I get and stay pregnant with my first before she gets pregnant again with her 4th. I have about a 9-15 months before she'll probably be pregnant again, but at least for now, things are good.
My new years resolutions are simple right now and vague because I don't know how much I can expect from myself with this upcoming IVF cycle and I want to give myself a break. Basically, I need to study more, eat healthier, relax (relax, relax, relax) and clean my house. I think I can manage that. I'll try to come back with more specific goals, but we'll see.
Thank you 2011 for teaching me more about patience and grief and jealousy and love than I could have ever asked for...patience for getting pregnant and having a baby, grief for not delivering a baby in March 2011, jealousy for my sister getting pregnant and having a baby, and love for my wonderful husband and soul mate. Here's to a New Year! Come on 2012...make our dreams come true!!